Psychology of insult and self-defense

Offense to us is familiar from childhood. Some offended more, others less. And how much she destroyed relations, families, and what is there to say, destinies. It is terrible because it eats the person from the inside.

Hence serious diseases, physical and psychological. Therefore, one must be able to forgive.

What is insult?

Resentment in psychology is a reciprocal actionan offended person to the act of another person who is unacceptable to her. It causes a feeling of dislike, you can get rid of it, the main thing is that it does not develop into a constant resentment.

Some people do not hold resentment, theyspill bad emotions on others. Others, on the contrary, are closed in themselves and are carried deep inside, not showing to anyone. They smile, despite adversity. But this is fraught with terrible consequences.

As a rule, this oppressed state leads toDeep depression. Again, if it concerns a single offense, the case is not so bad, but inconsistency is systematic - this is already a big problem. This is what the psychology of insult tells.

What is characterized by this emotion

It has a powerful destructive power. From this, health and relationships deteriorate.

The main components of the insult:

• Severe heartache. Occurs in response to an unfair attitude towards the individual.
• A sense of betrayal. The offended person says that he never expected this.
• Perception of unjust actions by anotherthe individual in relation to the abuser, based purely on the results of his own observation and analysis. That is, the payment for the same work is higher for him than for me, or parents like their younger brother more, etc.
• Long experience, and to some subjects can stick permanently.
• Can cause a break in strong familyrelations. If this is a child offense that has remained unaddressed inside the child, then it can subsequently lead to a deep interpersonal conflict with the parents.
• The ability to stay deep in the shower. Often a person is not in a position to admit that he is offended, which makes him even more unhappy.
• Feeling irreparable situation.
• Blocking of consciousness. Offended person is not able to give an objective assessment of what is happening.
• Can provoke a state of affect.

In all it can be seen that insult entails very serious consequences. This is the loss of the meaning of life, apathy and even suicidal thoughts.

But it is worth noting that you can be offended only by a close or dear person. The stranger is only able to offend.

People take offense in different ways

Before we start discussing thisthe question, it is necessary to understand why it is very easy to offend some people, but others are difficult. The bottom line is that everyone takes offense in different ways. Some have many pronounced vulnerabilities, others have fewer, and they are hidden. Often happens that you can offend unconsciously, being hurt for a living. And it may seem that a person is very touchy, but in fact it is not so.

The causes of offenses

There are three main sources:

1. Conscious manipulation. This is deliberate bullying of the offense in order to obtain the desired, as well as to cause feelings of guilt in the other.
2. Inability to forgive. This is an unconscious manipulation, which is the cause of most offenses. A person does not understand what he was offended at and why, but he knows how to make amends for another.
3. Deceived expectations. Here everything is simple. Let's say a woman wants an expensive gift, but gets a teddy bear, or when you count on the help of close friends, but she does not.

People who are in a state of stress, quarrels, depressions, and also those who love and feel sorry for themselves are often offended with limited physical abilities.

So, what is insult in psychology? This is a monstrous feeling of vexation, which arises from the sudden actions of a person. That's why the phrase often sounds that it was impossible to expect such a thing from him. But if you learn to recognize people at once, then there will be no offense. After all, when a certain situation happens, the actions expected by you will happen, it will not be insulting.

We figured out what an insult is in psychology. How to get rid of it? Read more about this.

Resentment in psychology: how to get rid

These tips will help to overcome unpleasant feelings.

It is necessary to learn to respond adequately to any unforeseen negative situation, to include the mind, and not to be guided only by one emotion.

It is necessary to find the root of resentment. People often think about why they did this, but should ask another question, which causes irritation so quickly. It is necessary to understand your emotions, to practice self-improvement.

You can not hide behind carelessness and joy. Because deceiving others, the insult you drive deep into the subconscious. What causes depression and a bad emotional state.

Do not be afraid to talk about your feelings. Share experiences. This will help rethink the past situation, get rid of offense, and perhaps prevent the emergence of unpleasant moments.

It is impossible to adjust people under one frame, imposinggreat hopes, because all are completely different, with an individual character and perception. You should not be treated well and loved. Everyone can not be liked. Having mastered this truth, you can avoid the occurrence of many offensive situations.

With a deliberate attempt to offend you do not need to show a reaction. And the next time a person will not do it.

You can not accumulate this feeling, otherwise, when the offense goes beyond the edges, quarrels begin, scandals and even partings. All nuances should be resolved as they arise.

You need to be able to forgive and release people from your life who constantly and intentionally offend you.

Do introspection. The reason may be behind your fatigue and irritation, overstrain, old mental wounds.

If it is difficult to cope with this problem on your own, it will be right to contact a specialist for help.

It is evident that it is possible to overcome the insult, the main thing is to include the mind and act quickly.

There is another good practical method thatwill help to get rid of insult. It's very simple. It is necessary to take a pen and a sheet of paper and compose a letter-appeal to the abuser. Do not restrain yourself in statements, because no one will read it. After you need to stay in silence alone with yourself, to rethink the situation, it will immediately become easier. The splash of negative emotions on paper is a great way to get rid of anger.

Psychology: insult at all

As a rule, she appears in tandem with a sense of guilt. Some take offense at something, others, feeling remorse, pleasing everyone, try to correct a past mistake.

Before we go on to discuss the offenses of men (in psychology), we will understand why people are offended.

They fall into three main categories:

• people living in the past;
• excessively emotional;
• vindictive.

People living in the past risk getting a complexfrom a long-standing resentment. Suppose a man who in his youth harbored an insult to one woman will have a similar feeling for the rest of his life.

People of the second type can embellish the situation, exaggerate the insult. And the most difficult thing is that such a person is almost impossible to convince that the problem is farfetched.

Rancid people are afraid that they have been nurturing for a long time and are trying to implement a plan for revenge.

Thus, we smoothly moved on to the next question.

Psychology of male insults

It is hard for the representatives of the stronger sex to admit their own weaknesses. Therefore, they do not give direct answers to questions, leave them in every way or they say evasively.

The ability to mask the offense well makes it possible not to notice it. But the men take offense.

Consider the reasons:

1. The manner of speaking. Excessive straightness and sharpness can not just offend, but even alienate oneself.
2. You must always remain correct. In anger and the process of finding out the relationship, you can not hurt a man for a sore spot. Suppose, if he is going through because of low wages, it is not worth it to reproach him. Do not criticize his masculinity.
3. Men, as a rule, do not talk about lack of love and affection. And perhaps, resentment is manipulation to attract attention. It is necessary to do introspection in order to avoid such a situation.
4. A person can be very emotional andimpulsive. All sharply perceived, obsessed with trifles. In this case, it is necessary to understand that people do not change with age, they need to be accepted as such.
5. Overestimated self-esteem can causethe appearance of resentment. When parents praised their son from early childhood, praised to the skies, and then the wife expresses her discontent, the husband will not tolerate this. He does not understand this attitude and is not used to it.

It is necessary to understand that men are straightforward. They either speak the truth, or simply are silent. After harsh statements, he can withdraw into himself. But this will not indicate an insult. Thus, he departs and calms down, reflects, after which he will come up and offer his apologies.

Problems need to be addressed because men'sresentment hurts both partners. To go about his manipulations can not be so that he was not used to it. Do not blame, disassemble the problem, you just need to share your feelings and feelings that you are experiencing at the time of his offense. How unpleasant from silence or reproaches.

Much more difficult is the case with the grievances of children on their parents.

Children's insults

Up to five years, they are offended by any ban.parents. At this stage, the kids believe that everything is created for them and belongs only to them. Growing up, the child will begin to understand that he is not alone in the world, and there will be less resentment.

From five to twelve years of offense children conscious. And it is necessary to listen to their desires, because it can become a source of deep problems and misunderstanding.

Children's resentment (in psychology so considered) entailsfor anger, rage, desire for revenge, disappointment. It is difficult to cope with this, therefore there are various psychological problems that can affect the whole life of a child.

They need to be taught to forgive in early childhood in order to avoid big problems in adulthood.

How to help your child deal with resentment

Insults and forgiveness of parents by children in psychology -This is a vital question. The main thing that adults should know is that one cannot ignore the insults of their offspring. If the kid extorts another toy, you should not leave, ignoring his cry. Need to explain why you can not buy it.

When a child becomes self-contained, it is a signal.anxiety It must be removed from this state by any means. Take a walk, watch a cartoon together, and then be sure to return to this situation and figure out what caused it.

It is necessary to discuss everything with the child. Hush up and just can not be punished. It is necessary to break the system: insult - anger - desire for revenge.

In addition to resentment, forgiveness in psychology - no lesssignificant moment. Forgiveness is the most important thing parents of a child must teach. To do this, any method is suitable: reading books, watching cartoons, singing, dancing. The main thing is that the child does not save negative emotions. He may not be able to forgive until the end of his offender, but if there is no desire for revenge, this is already half the success. There is a lot of beauty in life, and it is necessary to show and focus attention on it.

But insult (in psychology it is considered so) is not alwaysbad feeling She helps to look at herself. See those traits that need improvement. After all, touchiness may occur due to chronic fatigue, tiredness, this is an invitation to change and rest.

How to forgive offense

We dealt with the concept of resentment in psychology, we learned how negatively and destructively it affects a person. After all, the offended person can not function normally and just enjoy life.

But it’s not enough to deal with what offense is in psychology. How to deal with this? Frequently asked question, which we will try to answer.

Here is the advice of psychologists how to forgive an insult.

You need to calm down and soberly assess the situation, imagine what life will be like if you continue to be offended further. Such is the psychology of people - offenses have a crushing force.

It is worth analyzing in writing what led to this situation. What offended you, what sore points your opponent pressed, because in this way he pointed out your weaknesses.

It is necessary to begin with the words of forgiveness. Repeat the phrase “I free myself from resentment” many times, and it will really become easier. The most terrible offense (in psychology it is considered so) is against the mother, which prevents her from building her own happy family. It is important to understand that she gave you life and forgive her.

It is recommended in psychology to take offense as a lesson. To learn to extract errors and avoid them in the future.

Fight resentment with a sense of humor. The ability to laugh at yourself will help to endure confusion.

To overcome the offense, you can find in psychologysuch advice: often people offend others unknowingly, perhaps this is your case. There are no identical people, everyone perceives what was done and said in their own way. But in order to clarify the situation, you can bring the offender to the conversation and put all the accents, find out his intentions and speak out for yourself.

Every person is able to forgive an insult. If you let it go, it becomes much easier. This is a difficult process, at first it will be difficult, but then it will come to automatism.

Resentment and self-defense (in psychology, so it is considered)closely connected. Insult is a certain degree of self-defense, due to which the offended cause special attention, a feeling of compassion, pity, thereby showing his “I”.

This is a psychological reaction of a person, the purpose of which is to influence the opponent. It arises due to the fact that the expected does not coincide with reality.

Components of the offense

How are the offenses and expectations in psychology? To understand this question, you need to consider three components:

1. Construction of the expected result. The person mentally draws the outcome of the upcoming event. But, unfortunately, it does not always coincide with the desired. People are different, with their worldview. All problems have one source - inability to talk. Instead of silently waiting for the implementation of the plan according to your own scenario, it is better to talk to the person, find out his wishes and find out about his upcoming actions. And if there is love and respect, this act will not be like manipulation.
2. Observation. It is necessary not just to look, you need to think about your expectations, perceive the behavior of another person, evaluate and criticize.
3. Comparison of expectations with reality. It is not always possible to get in the end what you want. Therefore, an insult arises. The more inconsistencies there are, the stronger it will be. You can not impose your point of view on a stranger, he has the right to do what he wants. It is necessary to make it a rule that you need to rely only on yourself. If the expectations are not met, solve the problem by talking about it.

You should not bring to insults, they need to be warned. And it is better, of course, not to be offended at all, it is difficult, but quite possible.

Even this feeling has its positive aspects.

The benefits are as follows:

1. Our weaknesses are revealed. Need to dig up the source of the offense.
2. In case of rupture of a complex relationship, the insult acts as an anesthetic. Self-pity, anger and rage help to quickly get rid of memories, give strength to go forward, leave everything in the past.
3. Resentment allows you to throw out bad emotions. Sometimes a showdown is even helpful.

And one more interesting fact. More often offended people are obtained from spoiled children. Because they got what they wanted. Because of this, they have formed two shortcomings: the belief that they should all around, and the inability to work.

Therefore, the offense must be eradicated from early childhood. Get rid of it in a timely manner, because it can cause physical and psychological illness.